Bone Eater (2007) – Made for TV

“Bone Eater”

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Near the small town of Sweet Water, near the Alabama Hills in the Mojave desert, a land developer, who is at odds with a local tribe, is overseeing excavation for a project when his workers stumble across a set of bones.  Once disturbed these bones set free an ancient Native American evil which destroys everything in its path.   It is up to Sheriff Steve Evans and Chief Storm Cloud to stop this creature.

This made for the SyFy channel supernatural creature feature is great for background ambiance when you need to have something on TV but want to do something else, like clean the house, or bake cookies, or fold laundry, at the same time.  The plot follows a typical formula, right down to the feel-good ending with the sheriff embracing his roots.  (No considering that a spoiler because it’s telegraphed throughout the whole movie.)  It’s predictable, not nearly frightening enough, and rather anticlimactic.

Written and directed by Jim Wynorski (B-grade maestro), under the pseudonym of Bob Robertson and starring Bruce Boxleitner (I don’t really think I need to run down his resume), as Sheriff Steve Evans, and Michael Horse (from Twin Peaks) as Chief Storm Cloud, the best bits were watching all the TV celebraties that appeared in this movie.  Gil Gerard (Buck Rogers in the 25th Century) as Big Jim Burns, in a gratuitous role one of the sheriff’s deputies.  Walter Koenig (turn in your geek card if you don’t know who he his) as Coogan, the forensic scientist.  William Katt (The Greatest American Hero) as Dr. Boombas.  Really.  And for our villain who is actually more annoying than villainous, Jim Storm (of multiple daytime soap operas spanning 5 decades starting in the 60’s).  And finally, an uncredited performance by John Callahan (General Hospital) as  Seth Pomeroy.

The CGI creature was creative, but not really scary.   The whole movie was a bit anorexic on the scary part.

While far from the worst movie I’ve ever seen, I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it.  I may give it another chance in the future.  But for now, it gets 1 1/2 bottles of beer.


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